#4 Dating and Text

May 26, 2017

There's this moment of warm silence, when there is a person you trust sitting with you, sipping, engulfing both the dark and light in you, and you hear each other's heart.:




So I just found a fabulous blog to be read every day. A blog that I think it's shout out of everything that I wanted. The blog about how to be a single lady (thought that you already tired with this theme, but yeah probably for the next few posts I will just write about it). Thesinglewoman.net is an official blog of Mandy Hale, the author of The Single Woman book. 


I actually just randomly searched on google with the keyword "Blog of a single woman" (yeah I'm that girl, who's randomly search everything on google), and this blog is in the top list. Once I came to her blog, felt a bit irritated with the super contrast pink colors since mine is totally black and white. The first article that I read is Bad Dates Happen to the Best of Us. She told about her dating experience with a guy he met on a dating app, and he looks totally different with how he is in the picture! I am pretty much excited reading her story, and in this article my favorite part is when she said:

One day a couple of months ago I ventured out on a first date – a lunch date – with one of my Bumble matches. It was a beautiful day and I was in great spirits. Until I got to the restaurant, that is. I was able to pick out my date fairly quickly because it was a small restaurant, but my heart sank as I got closer and realized he had obviously used photos on his profile that were at least ten years old. (And about 30 pounds ago.) Now, let me clarify. This is not meant to be catty or mean or body/age shaming. I’ve gone out with men of all sizes and ages and body types. In fact, gym rats and guys who are overly obsessed with fitness drive me absolutely up the wall. But here’s the thing, y’all. Online dating is much like online shopping. The pictures need to be accurate. If I’m buying a pair of shoes on Ebay, I want to see pictures of the ACTUAL pair of shoes I’m buying, in their current state, scuffs and all. I don’t want to see a picture of the shoes when you first bought them five years ago. That’s not an accurate representation of what I’m getting. So if you’re going to do online dating of any kind, be honest about yourself. Yes, of course put your best foot forward with flattering images…but make sure they’re images that are no more than a year old and that actually LOOK like you. Otherwise, it feels dishonest. I don’t ever want to show up to a date and have a guy not recognize me from my photos…and I don’t want the same thing to happen to me.

and LOL! this is so true! Luckily I never met a guy who looks different from their pictures in the dating app. But my friend did!! He ever met a girl, who looks super kawaii in pictures, but yeah...ZONK! Nevertheless, this thing happens many times before dating app though. People edited their photos too much for facebook or Friendster back then.


The other article that I read after this one is Why Dating Should be Less Looking for ‘The One’ & More Having FUN!. Well, well... the title is already so "provocative" anyways. You know, I actually new in the dating app, I probably just started my first date in April 2017. And my first date was with a smart Brazilian guy.  I never ever have the courage to meet a guy in person, because I know, dating apps are sucks! Who the hell wanna find a long term relationship or even the one and only on the dating app?? NO ONE! (Or I used to be). So back to the Brazilian guy. He is probably in his late 30 or early 40. He looks so tired at that time. He had a conference in my university and I just decided to met him. I didn't know why I decided to meet him, probably because I thought that he was not that kind of "tinder guys". Naively, I thought that he was smart, he was in an International conference, so yeah... why didn't just meet up. I really love to talk to him at that time. We start from a small talk like what am I doing in Japan, Why did I choose Japan and other boring questions. But then he talked about his research, I loved the way he talked about his interest in science, he looked so determined and ambitious. And I thought that he was probably spending most of his time for working. Because he is really into it. 


Then my first date was over. He said he was glad to meet me and will call me again. yeah, he said HE WILL CALL ME AGAIN. He actually did, for the first three days, we just talked about everything and it was fun. At that time I already had stupid minds that he might be "the one" that I am searching for, and I met him in the dating app! What a life! But then, we never text me again. I just positively think that he might be busy with his works. I keep texting him first just to say "Hi how are you?", and NOW I REGRETTED IT SO MUCH! 

Anyway, related to what happened to me, Mandy's article said it all! 
I think that we should just have fun if we are on the dating app, no one takes it seriously, isn't?!

I would like to propose that we change our attitude toward dating a little bit. I would like to suggest that we ease off all the expectations and the urgency and the seriousness and just HAVE FUN. Whatever happened to just casually dating for the purposes of getting to know people? Going out just for the fun of having a new experience? Maintaining your own identity and lifestyle and agenda and just allowing dating to compliment that lifestyle instead of supplement it? Hitting the pause button on the frantic search for Mr. Right and just having fun right now? Not every person you date is going to be marriage material. Not every person you date is going to be “The One,” or even in the running to be “The One.” But every person you date IS going to make you a little bit better at dating. A little more relaxed. A little more open to love. People are sent into our lives to teach us things that we need to learn about ourselves…so look at dating as setting out a welcome mat for all sorts of little messengers who each have something new to show you about YOU.

And in this article, she also told that she used to have a high expectation to her date. But then her date just canceled the plan when she is shopping for shoes for their second date. Actually I ever did the same thing!!! After my first date with a guy, just like my usual stupid mistakes. I feel super excited when he said "I will call you again". Right after our date, I bought a beautiful maroon dress and I think I look super cute wearing it. But, He never call me again. And I decided not to text him first. SO yeah, that dress just ended up on my closet and I will wear it in maybe another occasion. Anyway, I got it discounted. So that's okay.

It’s a good thing he canceled and I never saw him again, because I would have gone broke just trying to look “perfect” for this guy! And why???? He wasn’t perfect. I’m sure he’s a nice enough guy, but he had red flags that I overlooked because I wanted the excitement of liking someone again. 

So from here I learnt that Why are you on a dating app? Because I want it (not because Im lonely). What are you looking for on the dating app? I just wanna make new friends (not "the one" or knight shining armor) 

-Nindya-

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