#5 Body shaming and its derivatives

May 27, 2017

This post is for all the girls and the shallow minded guys in the world...



Don't Worry About Me, Worry about your e y e b r o w s Pinterest: __GElliot__♔:


Hi!

People may know me as a gigantic girl! I am tall and a lil bit oversized (they said). I still remember when I was in my 3rd grade of primary school, I already 145cm tall and 44kg! Which I was a super gigantic kid amongst my friends, even I am bigger than the boys.

My body grown so fast, even I got my first period when I was in the 5th grade of primary school. I was so afraid when I got my first period cause I never had something came put from down there, and at that time it was something brownish and I felt so much pain in my stomach. I didn't even want to tell my sister or my granny cause I'm afraid and had no idea what happened to me. but then I told my maid, and she told my sister and my granny, and they told me that probably it was my first period. On the next day, I used a pad for the first time and it was sooooo uncomfortable! I acted so weirdly I guessed, cause I am that tomboy girl who usually running around the school, playing with my guy friends, or even had a fight with them. But on that day, I just kept sitting on my chair or just sat in front of the classroom during our break time.

I used to be the biggest and the tallest kid in my primary school and almost everyone knew me cause yeah... who didn't notice that Gulliver when your friends were just as big as Lilliput! 

And, I don't really like memories that I have when I was in my primary school, cause being the biggest and the tallest girl didn't mean that everyone was afraid of you, but THEY BULLIED you because you are different! I used to be called Monster or Giant, not only my friends but also their parents used to call me that way. I mean, it might be fine for them to call me that way, but they never knew that it made my self-esteem dropped so down!

On my Junior High School, I lost a lot of weight. I remembered I had a little bit stress cause my family problems and also the bullies that I've got at school. At this time, I'm no longer the Biggest and the Tallest girl. Cause everyone grown up! But they never knew too, that I had bulimia, an emotional disorder characterized by a distorted body image and an obsessive desire to lose weight, in which bouts of extreme overeating are followed by fasting or self-induced vomiting or purging.

I forced myself to vomit all that I just had eaten and I'm very satisfied if I feel "enough" vomiting all the things! (wanna know how to do it? I can show you next time! haha ) At that time, I didn't eat anything except oatmeal. I refused to eat rice (Indonesian usually eat rice everyday 3times a day), I refused to ate breakfast and dinner. I remember I just ate a very small amount. As the result, I became very thin, I can even see my back bone and I'm super happy with it. And you know, people are naturally j*rk! they bullied me when I was the Biggest girl in the school, and when I became skinny they also bullied me because I didn't have sexy boobs and butt! My Junior High School is the hardest part of my life, I guess.

I'm back gaining weight on my last year of Senior High School and when I tried to think easy with life. When I tried not to care too much and doesn't give a shit with my surrounding. Even though still, I am an overthink person and I stressed a lot.

My bulimia was ended when I entered college. You know, I gained 25 kg on my break from High School to college!!!!! Cause I thought I've got what I wanted! I finished my final exam, my score is 9.00 in average, I already accepted in one of the best colleges in my country, so what's again to do except being lazy and eat all day?!

On my college life, as I remember I never did that vomiting behavior anymore. I just enjoy life. I swallowed all my food in peace. I love food, for is life!

But I am a type that easy to lose and easy to gain weight when I was younger. I keep losing weight like 15kg on my 4th semester. That was a super freakin crazy class that required overworked or even stay on the campus until the next morning. We had to do a land survey from the lowland over to the mountain. We used to go through inside the wood and made a 1 meter deep holes in the land to check the horizon, the structure, the texture, and the color of the soils. Yes, it was so tiring at it's heard.

But then, after 4th semester. I had a boyfriend and we used to eat a lot together. Cause what else can people do for a date in Indonesia except go out to EAT? So yeah, I gained weight AGAIN. At that time I really wanna lose weight, I tried diet sometimes and jogging every evening. But it never works. I keep wondering why maybe because my diet is wrong or because I don't know.

I really hate my shape at that time, besides the memories of being called monster or giant when I was a child will always remain, even until now!!! And still, some people keep calling me that way...

Recently, I changed my point of view, to love my body more than I did before. Inspired from my lab mates who always try to eat healthily and live healthily. I began to try the same thing just for myself. I mean, by eating healthy and do some exercises, at least I keep my body healthy. If by doing those things I can get a good shape, let just count it as a bonus.

Start from last month, I tried to eat low carbs, more vegs, and fishes or other proteins sources. I do some exercises every time I have time. I do lose weight. But the point is I am now more careful to put what kind pf food inside my mouth. Cause I realize that I should pay more attention to my food CAUSE IM NOT YOUNG ANYMORE.

Now I'm in my 25, soon to be 26 this year. don't wanna give a sh*t anymore to what people said about my body. People are just close minded if they kept doing body shaming to other people. I will never ever give my respect anymore to a guy who called a girl fat, or any other body shaming that he gave to a girl. You know like, guys always think that they are perfect so that they can bully girls and commenting about our shape. But they never looked in the mirror that they really just look like A PIECE OF CAKE! They are not perfect! Some of them are fat, thin, short, smelly, ugly, and have a small thing. 

"I think when men tell women to lose weight, it's diversion from their own lack of size in certain areas" -Peri: size (eight) matters. Sex and the city

So, for all the girl, keep on loving your body. Do your diet, do your exercise, get your shape for yourself! Because I know girl, you really love to see the perfect girl in the mirror. Whatever you are, big boobs, small boobs, big butt, small butt, everything. We are just perfect for us. If a guy doesn't give good appreciation to you, HE ALSO DOES NOT DESERVE IT.

-Nindya-

You Might Also Like

0 COMMENT

Hello, Thanks for reading my blog! :)

Subscribe