#11 Recognition

July 24, 2017

Authentic leaders seldom forget to recognize their people. #leadership #CompanyCulture RT Steve Keating @LeadToday - @HaroldSinnott @AchimNowak

"I just wanna be somebody's first choice"
-Rachel to Ethan, Something Borrowed-


Been a long time I didn't have a deep conversation with my one and only best girl friend here!

I met her 2 years ago on a casual “meeting” initiated by ourselves in Mcdonald Bogor with my other friend. It's just a random meeting cause we’re gonna go to the same university in Japan, and we’ve got the same scholarship. My first impression of her was serious, yeah... she looked so serious with her resting bitch face (lol). Still remember back then that she didn't laugh even once during our meeting (lol). I never thought that we can be this close, and I realized that she's more to crazy than serious (lol). And it’s two years already, I'm gonna miss her so badly if I leave Japan.

Last week we really had a date after a long distance relationship for more than 2 months. Since last week she just spent her time alone during long weekend cause that’s what she usually does. Then she finally asked me to go out for fresh air. Well, it’s all start from her stories about her co-worker. An adorable single and beautiful woman. She is in her mid 30’s, she has a good career and will soon move to Tokyo for a better job and a better salary of course. Next week she will have a meeting with her new co-worker in Tokyo, and one of them is a guy who likes her. She used to call him "minion" because he is bald. But she looked so excited for the meeting, or especially to meet the guy. She told my friend that "In my age now, it's okay whether he is bald or not good looking at all, as long as he is kind. We don't have more choice like we used to be". But then out of nowhere, I asked my friend “Hey! Do you ever think about how we will be in the future? I just curious, like now we’re talking about your co-worker, but don't you ever think that maybe in the future it’s possible for us to be like her! To be single in our mid 30’s, probably with a good job and great money. But then, we will always find out that it’s never enough!”

My previous housemate in Malang also has a similar story. She’s a smart woman, at that time she's 29. Which is for Asian women it's too old and people will call us “the leftover”. She didn't even have a boyfriend back then. Her parents were so worried about her cause she’s still single! She’s a teacher in my university, she’s pretty and so gentle. Like, when I saw her, I just thought that a lot of guys will like her at the first sight. She used to tell me about her life in her early 20’s. She worked in the capital city as a journalist, she had a bright career and a nice boyfriend. Idk what actually happened, but she kept saying that her parents asked her to go back home. Then she left the capital city and broke up with her bf. I never asked why they broke up, but yeah... sometimes I understand. As I remember, her ex-bf got married on 2014. Before his wedding, he sent her a letter and a gift to her that said: “you should be happy too”. It was the sweetest and the most tragic letter from an ex that I have ever seen. But then, it was last year I heard that she’s finally got married to her high school friend. Idk, whether they’re dating or not previously. But I'm happy about her. Wish her a happy life ever after :)

You know, somehow when I remembered her stories, I can see my self on it right now. But sometimes... Nah! I am not her.

But yeah....
I think the problem is not in the women itself, but it’s all about the society. Since in Asia being single in your 30’s-40’s is still taboo in some regions. I mean, every time I hear a story about an amazing single woman who's finally giving up her dreams because of her “expiry age”, I always feel “meh”. Why do people do that? Or is it just us, the single women who're actually not really wanna be single anymore?! But, isn't it too reckless to "take" a random guy to marry just to make us feel alright?
***

“You know what? I always try to be a nice girl. As far as I know myself, I never played with a guy, I always treated him nicely. I never cheated, I always give everything. I never asked his money, I never asked for a present. But why? they’re just come and go. What does guy actually really want from me? I have no idea what kind of girl that guys really want!” , said my friend passionately. 

“Exactly! You are a nice girl, you are smart. Everybody knew about that. You know what you thought is just actually the same with what I thought! Like, why? Isn't it enough for him? But well, you know sometimes I think what people actually need? Maybe some will say that all we need is love. But I don't think so. We need more than that! I guess, what we actually need is a RECOGNITION! Yeah! You know, we never ever think that we wanna find a guy to save us or to give us a lot of money. No! Cause we think we can do it by ourselves. But why do we still need a partner? It’s just because we need a recognition. We need our personal cheerleader, we need someone to be loved and someone who love us, we need someone who will say: “you are pretty with your fat belly bear” or just "I love your cool tiger skin (a.k.a cellulite). We just need a partner to encourage us, to accept us, to recognize us. We need them to make us feel "alive", I just said what I was thinking about and totally feel that we have the same feeling right now.

She agreed with that, and gave another example “Yeah!! That’s it!!! Recognition Nin! It’s also similar to a kid, who really wants a compliment from their parents and appreciation. They just need their parents to recognize them! We're totally just a kid anyway!"

It was a super deep talk we had that day. And even in the end, we had the same thought that "Men only love bitches". And they can even fall so hard for a bitch! Why? Why? Why? Aren't we bitches enough? We don't know what kind of girl we should become to be loved.

But yeah, people will just keep saying that “The best is yet to come”. Then we will wait until the day to come. But now what we’re thinking is “Is it a curse, that no one love us? Or is it karma because we've done something bad? Or is it just God who's playing around?”

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