#10 Another side of dating app

July 02, 2017

Do You Think Like A Human Or A Machine?                                                                                                                                                                                 More

When people ask me “Why are you on a dating app?”
My answer will be “Because I'm lonely and I wanna have friends, I think everybody does”

I'm grateful that I always have stories to share after my first meeting with a new guy. Of course, I do experience bad date, but it’s kinda embarrassing to tell people about that in detail. So lemme just tell you about my great meeting yesterday.

So honestly, last week I was so depressed and feel so fvcking down. I already met my best friend and tried to talk to him, but it didn't help. I met my other friend and tell her but it’s also failed. I really depressed and had an anxiety attacked. I was thinking too much, I think about my past and started blaming myself for what I’ve done. I even thought that there`s nothing I can do again in this life. 

Then, one day on last week, I arrived home at 1.30 am. It was the latest time I went back from my lab. I mean, I did before, but I worked with my other lab mates preparing for our midterm presentation. But last week, I was alone. When I got home, I took shower and went to sleep. As usual, the hardest time of the day is going to sleep. I couldn’t sleep and I decided to open my dating apps. I have 3 dating apps on my phone right now, but not all work as I expected. Then I scrolled on my phone, swipe right and left from photos to photos, just like looking for something cool in an online shop. I swipe right many times but swipe left more (lol). Then I met a Mideastern guy, his name is so Arabic, and I decided to swipe right to know him more, and we’re matched. It was 3 am, and he texted me. We started with an introduction, and he asked why I was still awake that late. Well....it’s not a good example to use dating app, but I was so lost and I just told him about what happened, that I am so lonely and depressed. Then we chat more, and talked a lot about our religion, about how rebel we are, about histories, about our families. But then we realized it was already early morning, and we have to work in the morning, we just then decided to meet.

FYI he is the first Mideastern guy I met on dating app. Well, whoever he is, don't expect too much from guys on dating app. Because it’s dating app! So, I’ll never expect too much for a “dating app’s guy”.

Finally, we met yesterday, in a famous fried chicken restaurant. We started our conversation with ``how we practice our faith`` recently. I said, I was religious once, but then everything is changed, people changed, what’s happened is life. And he said it’s fine. He said ``The only thing you have to do is don't lose faith that there`s God, He is merciful, and no one can judge you, it’s all just about you and Him``. The conversation is going deeper when he asked about what happened to me. I told him about my life,  the bullies, the harassments that I’ve experienced, and no one ever knew about that (I actually plan to write about my struggle with the anxiety and depression next time). 

Anyway, We have to understand that we can`t blame people with anxiety for being ungrateful about their life. Maybe we see them as a lucky girl, she’s pretty, she’s bright, she’s so funny, she’s smart, she got everything. But, we never know what she’s been experienced, what she’s been struggling for. So, never ever blame people with the anxiety problems. It`s not something funny to talk about, it`s a serious problem that a lot of people experiencing nowadays.

After my stories, it was his turn to tell me about what happened with his life. It was jaw dropping! He used to live in Iraq, at that time, the war just started. There’s a lot of war in Arabian countries nowadays, I don't know exactly what happened, but the war is real and it is so terrible. He told me, he saw his friends got killed. He then continued telling me stories, he witnessed the bomb dropped close to his university, he saw people hurt and killed, he shot people, he threw the grenade. He used to carry victims of the war, he saw blood everywhere. He was there, in the war he never knew the reasons why it happened. Then, he decided to went back home. But, when he went back to his country, the war also happened there. After telling me about his life, he also told me about his principle of being faithful. He said, even though bad things happened, he still can be strong because he believes that everything`s happened will make him stronger. He asks me to be grateful. ``There`s a lot of things you should be thankful for. First, just a simple thing, a lot of people can't read out there, but you can. Second, not all girls can have the point of view like you, maybe some guys will think you`re difficult, but that’s the way you are. Third, always look down. A lot of children lost their parents during the war, even though your parents may be not the best parents in the world, at least you still have them. Be grateful!``

It’s like a big pendulum just hit me so hard, that there’s a guy sat in front of me experienced something terrible and he’s still so positive with life and still strong. I can say that my condition is better than him. I should embrace it and love it more. He taught me a lot of things on our 3 hours meeting. It was so amazing! It’s always nice to have a deep talk with a new people. I prefer to meet people and talk like this. I mean, I'm not really into a party or hang out with new people or just randomly goes to some events. I can't stand in small talks like just “how are you”, “do you like the weather”.....NO! It will kill me cause it will be super awkward! I always love deep talk like these. That`s why, I prefer to choose `my people`, and dating app helps! (lol). I feel recharged! At least, our meeting yesterday changed my sense of music from Blue by Troye Sivan to Happy from Pharrell!

I am also grateful, whenever I feel I lost my mind, or hate myself, or hate my life, there’s still a part of me tell me that there’s still a hope. If you can't find what you want from people around you, dating app is also an option. I hope we can always meet people who encourage us. And be more grateful and love our life more than we did before. Because all that we need is a friend to talk, a friend to share. Find your people, be happy!

``Suicide is for the weak, love your life. There`ll be always a hope``


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