#12 People

July 28, 2017

People are always going to talk. So let them talk. And you know what when someone judges another person it's because they are trying to make themselves feel better. About their own insecurities. As simple as that....

“If you know someone judges you, what will you do? will you judge them back? Or will you tell people bad stories about them? No! That will just make you being a di*k. And you know that you’re not!” - J -

Apparently living in the society nowadays is kinda confusing and it’s getting harder and tougher. Fewer people have the courage to listen and to understand each other. People are rather judge based on the tiny pieces of information that they got from the unknown source, or just because someone said A, they will believe it easily.

Recently, suicide becomes a very serious problem in our society. It’s even happened to the most inspirational rock singer, Chester Bennington. It was so heartbreaking to know what happened to him. One day, I woke up in the morning and checked my phone. Wtf I found that Chester was ended up his life. I was shocked and tried to calm myself and still believe that it might be just hoax or scam. I googled it, I checked my twitter and another source. And unfortunately, It is true. He died. He was in the depression and anxiety for a long time. And somehow, I feel that I am also one from millions of people out there who's too selfish. I just love his song cause I feel that it's such a drug. But in fact, It’s all tell us stories of depression that he experienced and how he re-heal himself in his tough time. But I always just think that "it’s a great song". But No! I think he’s actually asking for help in every song he wrote. And we are just too selfish, thought that he is our hero and we are healed by his song. And most of that, tragically there's still some greedy people and see Chester as a drug addict, alcoholic or anything else. I hope from this story people will be more sensitive and try to listen, try to understand what happened to others. Cause, we’re not God! We should help people instead of judging them.

Back to the day when I was still in high school. People might know that I was a nice girl, religious, and nothing’s wrong with me. But in my memory now, If people ask when is the toughest time of my life, I will always answer that it was when I was in high school. I don't even wanna remember what happened at that time, I don't wanna hate people, and I don't wanna hate myself either because I was being too nice. But, you know what? I am changing. Drastically, I know. I’ve been through all the judgment, people text me in private or even posted something on Facebook about what I’ve done. But I never felt that I’ve done that. I just choose my life. People kept saying that what I’ve done is all wrong. I am no longer their angel, a good girl, or maybe they even thought that I was their perfect portrait of a holy girl. And because I changed, they just drop me down and judge me as a bitch or something. And do you know what I've lost? Understanding. No one wanted to listen. And that's why somehow I am so sick and tired of humans in general haha

Do you think I care?
I was. I was at a time when I always care about all the things people said about me. I always think about their judgment. I cried a lot. I hated myself. I was afraid to go out because I am afraid people will judge me. But then, I realized that I am more than what they thought about me. They’re just shitty poison people, who judged me without knowing what’s behind me. They just knew my name, they never know my stories and I don't wanna explain to them about it, cause they won't listen. They just hate me, and you can't do anything to people who hated you. Why? because it’s you.

Then I and my mind trying to think in reverse. I was there, in the position when people judging me without knowing my stories. People hate me for no reasons. People get jealous of me and spread bad stories about me. What should I do to revenge then? Should I do something crueler than they did? Or should I just kept silent and do nothing?

Apparently, I just kept silent and do nothing. But I keep continuing my life and don't give any f*ck about what people said. I just do what I want to do, I will always try to be kind to people. I will always try not to hurt people cause I don't wanna get hurt too. I don't wanna hate,  and I think I can't hate people. Cause yeah… it’s probably my weakness that I can't hate people. I can easily forgive people who hurt me. It's more like I don't care anymore about them rather than I hate them. I just like delete them from my memories, from my life. But when they ask something and say "Hi", everything will be just fine. Cause sometimes I think that I am just human, I can't hate people, I can't judge people because I am afraid if I hate them or judge them it’s just because of my fault. It's just because of my shitty point of view. That maybe I think they’re bad, but they’re actually not. I never know their feeling, I never knew their stories. So, there are no reasons for me to hate people I guess...

For example. I think X is hurting me because he said something bad, I will tell him that he is hurting me. I will tell that he did something wrong and it’s hurting me. It’s just about me and X, I won't tell people what X has done to me. Cause people are already too busy with their own business. (And who the hell cares with someone else problems? -_-) I won't hate X. I don't know what X feel about me. I don't wanna judge X just because he’s just being X in my point of view. I think that people can change because I do! I always need a second chance in my life. And somehow I think that maybe it’s just me being too much. I just wanna give X another chance to be better. Cause, again, we are just human.

Best friend of mine said that Life is about to give. You should try your best in your life. Help each other. Never ever asked about what you’ve got, cause you’ll never feel satisfied.

“Nin, as a human, just give your best to others. Always give your love, give your best to other. Because life is just about to give. Never expect anything from someone, cause you won't feel satisfied. But if you give your best, and you feel happy about that, you will feel satisfied, and you won't ever ask for more. About what people will do to you, it’s all out of your control. If people judge you, never ever judge them back. Remember, that life is about what you give, not about what you get”

You know,  I always hate labeling. I don't wanna see people based on their background or based on what people said about them. I wanna see them as what I see them right now. I will be nice to them if they are nice to me. If they're just being an ass to me, I will (still) try my best to be nice. Or just stay away from them, cause I have sooooo many things to think about rather than to think about something that I know it will hurt me. But yeah, what people will think about me, or what people will do to me is actually out of my control.

As the time goes by, people will grow up, and they will learn. I hope they will understand that life is just not about ourselves. It’s about caring for others too. It’s about what we give. I hope people want to listen to others, I hope people will try to understand what’s happening. I hope people won't forget that they are just human. I just an INFP girl, I hope everything will be just fine and everyone’s happy. (Or I hope people will just don't give any sh*t and won't do any sh*ts, and no more sh*tty drama)

PS. this shitty post may be wrong cause Im actually dead inside and I have no feeling :| (LOL) And I won't say sorry cause it's my blog :|

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